


slow dancing in a burning room

by hyejuul



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Heavy Angst, and lipsoul for one sentence, chuulip soulmates, lipseul for like two seconds and its still really platonic, lovers to enemies to lovers?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24226876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyejuul/pseuds/hyejuul
Summary: When Jungeun looks back on it, she figures she should have seen it coming. It was always the small things, always creeping up on her at the last minute until it was too late to do anything.As she watches the sea fade away, mountains and grassy fields turning into a concrete jungle, she loses her hope that she will ever find happiness like Jiwoo again.
Relationships: Kim Jiwoo | Chuu/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 5
Kudos: 85





	slow dancing in a burning room

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my drafts for like three years cause I was gonna make it a Supercorp fic but lost motivation to finish it. So here it is as Chuulip :) I'm a sucker for this ship, and I love their dynamics. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

When Jungeun looks back on it, she figures she should have seen it coming. It was always the small things, always creeping up on her at the last minute until it was too late to do anything.

They date in high school.

It’s really the only reason they become popular. Kim Jiwoo and Jeong Jungeun, two completely different ends of the spectrum that somehow managed to find love. It had happened so unexpectedly that Jungeun still has no idea how they found their way to each other. She was cold and brutal, even as a teenager, but Jiwoo had come and swept her off her feet with tteokbokki, gleaming smiles, warm brown eyes, and her quirky personality. It wasn’t hard for Jungeun to fall in love with Jiwoo, it wasn’t hard for anyone really. But she felt special to be the one that Jiwoo shared her heart with. They spent days upon days together, always laughing and smiling, just two teenagers who had fallen in love.

For three years they’re together. In Jungeun’s mind, it was three years built up to absolutely nothing but heartbreak.

And it does end in heartbreak. A lot of it.

Jaden, being the ever so loving father that he absolutely was not, had more control over Jungeun’s life than she had originally thought. It was common knowledge that he didn’t approve of her relationship with Jiwoo whatsoever, but Jungeun never thought to what extent the disapproval went. Because he allowed Jungeun to spend the night out and even allowed Jiwoo to come to their mansion of a house for sleepovers. The only proof of distaste was the sly comments, the distrust in his eyes, and the sneers when Jiwoo’s name was spoken.

Jungeun tried. She tried her absolute best to do whatever she could to prevent it from happening, to instill some kind of approval in Jaden, but it was a waste. It’s the one thing Jungeun hates about her past, even though she had no control over it.

It was the night after graduation. Jungeun was still high off of adrenaline and the love that was pouring off of Jiwoo, her phone riddled with hundreds of pictures from the ceremony and the after-party. She had been living so deeply in the moment that she hadn’t taken a step back to realize what Jaden was doing. The pictures in her phone and the voicemails from Jiwoo were the only things she had left of them when she was sent away.

She had been standing at the porch, a smile still lingering on her face as she watched all the cars pull out of the long driveway. Jiwoo and Sooyoung had to be back in Daegu for their family celebration, as well as the beginning of summer, and Heejin was planning on taking a trip further north for a comic book convention. If she closed her eyes she could still hear the cheering, feel Jiwoo’s lips on her own, and the feelings of absolute bliss as she was surrounded by her friends in their final moments as high schoolers.

Her bliss doesn’t last long.

“I hope you had fun tonight Jungeun”

Her blood runs cold, Jungeun knows that her father’s tone is misguiding. She turns as slowly as possible, subconsciously hoping that it will stall whatever is about to come out of Jaden’s mouth. She’s felt this coming all along, her father had been uncharacteristically quiet the last few days and it had been unnerving. When she turns to fully face her father, there is an icy cold glare staring right back at her. The porch lights above them cast shadows across his face that makes him look ten times more evil than he usually does. There is nothing nice in his voice, and Jungeun already wants to cry.

“Father-“, she tries, but it’s no use.

“Your flight leaves at 8 tomorrow morning, the house is being sold in three days, and your bags are already packed”, his tone leaves no room for argument, “Like I said. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time tonight, Jungeun”

A knot makes its way into Jungeun’s throat, and she tries her hardest to keep her voice steady, “Where am I going?”

“Where you’ve always wanted to go, my dear. You thought you could get away with throwing out your acceptance letter from Seoul National University, but I think you’re forgetting the fact that I am your father and I know you best”, it’s fake and Jungeun knows it.

“You know I don’t want to go to Seoul National-“

If possible, his glare turns colder and it shuts Jungeun up very quickly, “I will not allow some pesky girl to ruin the chances for my daughter to have a successful future. I have allowed you to live in your false sense of reality for three years, and now it is time for you to catch up to what reality really is. You will go upstairs and rest for tomorrow, you will board your plane, and you will attend Seoul National if it is the last thing that you do. Am I understood?”

All Jungeun can do is nod.

When she’s in her room she sobs. She sobs until her throat is dry and her eyes sting with tears and exhaustion. She knew that Jaden could be cruel, but never this cruel. He knew that Jiwoo would have no phone signal for another week. He knew that by the time Jungeun was at Seoul and settled in her phone contract would be up and he would have full control over it because she wasn’t 19 yet. He was ripping everything away from her, and Jungeun had no control over it at all.

It was inevitable, really. All the signs pointed to Jaden planning this long before Jungeun knew what was happening. He knew Jungeun was going to be wrapped up in happiness and the chaos of graduation, and it makes Jungeun so angry. Angry at herself for not taking a reality check and trying to prevent it from happening. Angry at her father for doing such a cruel thing, knowing Jungeun has never been happier in her life than when she’s with Jiwoo. Angry at the universe for everything, so angry that by the time Jaden opens her bedroom door in the morning to wake her up, her bookcases are messes on the floor, and posters are halfway torn from the walls.

On the plane ride, all Jungeun can do is cry and hope that if it’s meant to be, she will find Jiwoo later in life and live happily.

As she watches the sea fade away, mountains and grassy fields turning into a concrete jungle, she loses her hope that she will ever find happiness like Jiwoo again.

///

Two weeks into her stay she’s laying in a bed that doesn’t feel like hers, listening to music blasting through her speakers as she does nothing but stare at the ceiling. She’s had the saddest songs on repeat, hoping that maybe they’ll soak up all the hurt she has.

Halfway through her playlist she gets tired of it and puts her entire library on shuffle. The song that plays first makes her stop and freeze, blood rushing to her head as her heart dares to burst out of her chest.

_“It’s not a silly little moment_

_It’s not the storm before the calm_

_This is the deep and dyin' breath of_

_This love we've been workin' on_

_Can't seem to hold you like I want to_

_So I can feel you in my arms_

_Nobody's gonna come and save you_

_We pulled too many false alarms”_

Her eyes well up with tears immediately, and she’s glad Jaden isn’t home so she can sob her heart out.

It had been _their_ song. Whenever they needed a song to slow dance to, fall asleep to, watch the stars to, it was always that one. Jungeun almost laughs at the irony behind it. It’s not even a happy song, it’s a song about heartbreak and a failing relationship, yet Jungeun has so many good memories attached to it. She closes her eyes and tries to feel the emotions, flashes of brown eyes, pale skin, wide smiles, and perfectly styled bangs making their way into her brain behind her eyelids. She cries harder and harder, and she only manages to get to the second bridge before she slams her hand down on her phone, skipping the song altogether.

She wishes with all her heart to go back, to somehow teleport herself back to Jiwoo where she’s happy and safe.

By now they’ll be back from Daegu, and she knows Jiwoo has to be feeling so many emotions as she figures out that she’s gone and can’t communicate with her at all. It’s times like this where Jungeun wishes she had memorized Jiwoo’s number. Going over all the emotions she must be feeling, betrayal is the one that sticks in Jungeun’s mind. Betrayal was the worst emotion to ever be felt, in Jungeun’s opinion, and she starts crying harder at the thought that Jiwoo could be hating her for turning her back on her after making promises of a future together.

A happier song comes on, she doesn’t recognize it in her haze of emotions, but the soft ukulele calms her a bit. She looks around her room, at all the sterile white and steel and it finally settles in her chest that this is her life now.

She unlocks her phone and removes Slow Dancing In a Burning Room from her library.

She doesn’t listen to it again for years.

///

It’s five months after Jungeun is shipped off to Seoul, and it’s five months that have gone completely silent. She’s become cold, not wavering her emotions to anyone or anything. The one thing she loved was taken from her, and it’s all she can do to just live with it.

Every time she goes through her phone her heart breaks more. All she wants is to hear Jiwoo’s voice. To listen to her laugh or rant about puppies and food, to have Sooyoung sit beside her as they watch K-Dramas and plan their futures together.

She keeps wishing and wishing, silently speaking her thoughts into the night, hoping that maybe someone will hear her and make her wishes come true.

Jaden takes her phone and replaces it with a new one halfway into the second semester after he catches her looking at the pictures, feigning support when he says, “It’s for your own good. A Jeong does not wallow in poor emotions when success is right in front of them”.

Jungeun never thought she would become a true Jeong when she met Jiwoo. Jiwoo had given her life and happiness. Now that she’s not there, with no way of getting back to her, Jungeun figures it’s life telling her that she is destined to follow the lead and become a real Jeong.

So, no matter how hard it is, and how much she wishes she didn’t have to, she listens to Jaden and follows the family's footsteps.

///

She’s on her way to inheriting the family business when she’s a junior in college. She excels in all of her classes, which is not an easy feat in itself considering she’s in the Honors College at Seoul freaking National. It’s been 3 years since her happiness was taken away from her, and if Jungeun had a say in it, she’d say she’s handling it fairly well.

She’s changed dramatically, doing everything she can to fit her father’s mold, mostly because she’s convinced that’s what the universe has planned for her. She had no choice in moving and changing her life completely, so she really has no choice in how her life plays out at all. It’s worked out in Jaden’s favor a lot, considering Vivi was never going to become a part of the family business after she ran away and was never seen again.

Sometimes Jungeun thinks about her, and wonders if she should have done the same thing. They were never particularly close, most memories she has of her were of them playing chess when she was little or her screaming at Jaden in the early hours of the morning. Jungeun was always on her own until she met Jiwoo, and then she became so used to not being alone that now, being alone again, has thrown her completely off.

But, as psychology would have it, when Jaden drills the meaning of being a Jeong into Jungeun’s head, she can’t help but take it in and become it. She tries her hardest not to become Jaden, to not become her family and what everyone thinks of them but it’s hard when it’s all she hears day in and day out. Yes, she’s extremely successful in college and she has many accomplishments and awards under her belt, but they do nothing to satisfy the ache she constantly has in her heart. She’s managed to just ignore it in most cases, Jaden's voice always in her head about how she “can’t allow mundane thoughts to steer her off track” and that she’s “meant for greater things, but only if you focus on your studies and earn it”.

It’s a Sunday afternoon in October, the leaves are turning different colors and falling off the trees as Jungeun completes her latest paper and any other assignments she has for class tomorrow. If it was possible, her professors would put her in even more excelled courses. It’s something she takes pride in, how quickly she’s climbed the ranks and become an idol at SN for all of her accomplishments. She’s well on her way to receiving a fast track Masters if it wasn’t for her free time being spent learning about Jeong Corp and how to run it.

It’s a Sunday afternoon, 3 years after she was shipped off, and she hasn’t thought about Jiwoo in months.

///

She meets Jinsoul at a Gala in the winter. Jungeun suspects that Jaden is behind it because the Jung’s have been trying to weasel their way into helping Jeong Corp for months now. She figures this is Jaden’s way of showing her that business is business, and you use your assets when needed.

At least he considered her sexuality when trying to find her a “suitor”. And she’s not totally complaining. Jinsoul is blonde, taller, pretty, intelligent, really everything Jungeun could ever want in someone.

Except, maybe, red-haired, wide-eyed, and constantly happy.

The second that Jiwoo gets into her mind she’s gone, Jungeun shaking her head and clearing it away. Thoughts start running through her head at a mile a minute, most of them condescending towards herself at allowing herself to think of her. She hasn’t thought of her in years, she’s even taken pride in it. It surprises her that Jiwoo had managed to sneak into her mind after such a long time, and she spends the rest of the evening half wallowing in pity as she listens to Jinsoul rant on about some business deal she helped her parents settle.

She stares at Jinsoul for a long while, trying to find attractive things about her that she could like. She has a nice smile, kind eyes, and she smells fairly nice. Although, her fruity perfume could never own up to the smell of the Kim’s homemade food and the sea.

_Fucking hell Jungeun, get it together._

She physically shakes her head this time, hoping it’ll get the thoughts out, but she spends the next 20 minutes watching and comparing Jinsoul and Jiwoo. She finally stops talking about business though, and eventually, their conversation ends up with Jinsoul asking her out on a date and Jungeun hesitating to agree.

_Business Jungeun. It’s business. You use your assets to your advantage. It’s just business_.

When she goes home to the lavish apartment she calls home and her father is there, a sly smirk on his face, questions on the tip of his tongue, Jungeun figures it’s going to be a very, very long business deal.

///

Jungeun thinks that Jinsoul is a sign to her. She hasn’t figured out what sign yet, but she thinks, knows, that she means something other than business to her.

It all happens very quickly, almost in the span of two months. Which really, in Jungeun’s eyes, is not a long time at all.

They date for three months before they figure out that it is absolutely not gonna work. Jinsoul is far too busy with her family business to tend to Jungeun’s emotional (and sometimes physical) needs, and Jungeun thinks she’s just too broken to even try and handle a relationship, however serious or not it is. They remain incredibly good friends though, in light of business and deals they are two people who know what it’s like to be in the spotlight of taking over a family business. Jungeun would even go as far to say that Jinsoul is her friend, even if she’s really the only one.

They’re studying in a cafe when Jungeun gets a call.

Without looking at the name she picks up and answers, and upon hearing the first words of “Your father has been arrested”, she drops her pencil and freezes like a statue.

Jinsoul immediately senses that something is wrong, and Jungeun is trying very hard to listen to her family lawyer talk about tax evasions, poor treatment of employees, and massive amounts of fraud, but none of it is fitting together. She thinks it’s been five minutes of her just sitting there when Jinsoul finally sighs, takes the phone from Jungeun, and settles down beside her.

“Hi, um-“, she looks warily at her, “This is Jung Jinsoul speaking. Jungeun is a bit in, shock, I think. May I ask what’s going on?”

_No, Jinsoul, you can’t. He’s a lawyer and can’t talk about his clients you bafoon._

“Right, well, perhaps you should call later on. She hasn’t moved a muscle and I’m going to assume it’s gonna take a while for me to even get her to blink”, her lawyer speaks for another few seconds, “Okay, will do. Goodbye”

Jungeun registers Jinsoul hanging up the phone and placing it carefully in front of her on the table. It takes a lot of very long moments for her to rouse up the energy to speak, but eventually, she squeaks out an explanation.

“Jaden has been arrested”

She’s flabbergasted, and quite literally chokes on nothing, “I’m sorry, he what?”

“Arrested. He’s been arrested. Tax evasion. Employee mistreatment. A lot of fucking fraud”, her senses start to come back to her, like saying it out loud makes it more real than just hearing it, “Jesus fucking christ he’s in jail right now. Jinsoul, what the fuck do I do?”

She starts in a panic, jumping out of her seating and gathering up her books and papers in a hazy mess. She’s sure she’s drawing a lot of attention to herself right now, but she can’t seem to care, only continues to speak under her breath, and quickly run out of the cafe.

Jinsoul is in tow behind her, shouting for her to slow down but she only has one thought on her mind and it’s to get home.

Her lawyer is already there waiting for her, face all sorts of twisted in stress.

The moment she steps out of the elevator and sees him she sighs, Jinsoul finally shutting up and following closely behind.

She downs two cups of coffee when they make it into the apartment, she knows she’s gonna be in for a long night.

///

Things are not looking good for Jaden at all. There’s nothing Jungeun can do but try and testify that her father is a good person and she doesn’t think he would ever do the things he’s being accused of (which is a lie because she knows just how cruel her father is).

But there’s too much evidence that continues to pile against him, some of it so sickening that Jungeun feels sick to her stomach. All of this was happening right under her nose and had someone not had the courage to speak up about it, she was going to inherit all of it.

The trial lasts three weeks, Jungeun’s lawyer doing everything to stall and prolong the trial in favor of Jaden. It’s no use, of course, he’s posted with no bond and a minimum of 60 years for all of the things that were brought against him. When the judge slams her gavel down and finds her father guilty of all charges, she finds herself sliding to the floor with tears pouring out of her eyes.

She guesses that maybe it’s a paternal thing that she’s feeling. Jaden may have made her life a living hell, but he’s still her father, and to see him in handcuffs with a look of defeat on her face makes Jungeun crumble hard. Jeong’s don’t give up, and her sense of self starts chipping away when she realizes her father has utterly and tragically fucked up and made a mistake, something that he had taught Jungeun from the beginning of her life to never do. Jungeun watches as they take her father away, cries on the tip of her tongue. But they all die when Jaden faces Jungeun, his eyes flooding with sorrow.

“I’m sorry, Jungeun”

The words bounce and echo around in her head. Never in her life had Jaden apologized for anything, and it makes Jungeun all the more emotional because the situation is very, very real and the last person in her family is being taken away from her.

Jinsoul does what she can to help her, helping with her lawyer and all the paperwork but it’s really no use. Eventually, her junior year ends and she can’t even enjoy her summer because of the mess in the company and the media. Jungeun still isn’t old enough to take full control as CEO, and a temporary one is doing everything they can to keep the company strong while she figures everything out.

It’s a blazing hot morning on her balcony that Jungeun realizes what kind of sign Jinsoul is.

She’s sitting in the shade behind her, reading some paperwork that her lawyer has sent in and Jungeun has been listening to her babble on and on, albeit slowly in her trademark drawl, for two hours already. It’s only 11 in the morning and she’s already five shots in of soju, and she really couldn’t give a damn what the company is going through right now.

“Jinsoul”, she practically has to yell for her to focus on her for a second, “What the hell am I gonna do?”

She gapes at for a moment, kind of like one of her fishes, and Jungeun has to suppress the giggle that almost makes its way out of her lips.

“Oh, well-“, she sets the papers aside, “I mean you’ve got to finish college before you can become the CEO and all-“

Jungeun shakes her head vigorously, wobbling a bit as the soju starts to settle in, “No, no. Not about the company silly. What the hell am I gonna do about my life? My father is in federal prison and is going to stay there for a very long time. Jeong Corp is practically doomed at this point, and I’m not going to graduate soon enough for me to take full control and save it. Everything is doomed!”

“Well, maybe not everything-“

“Do you know what my father did to make me come to Seoul National? Do you Jinsoul?”

Jinsoul has never been a very personal girl, but Jungeun is a bit too tipsy to care about that.

“Um, no?”

She scoffs, “He cut me off from my girlfriend of the time, packed my bags, sold our house in Busan, and shipped me out here. All for the better of my life! Can you believe that?”

“Well, he did just get arrested for-“

“And to think, that I would even want to have any affiliation with a company run by a man who ruined my life! It’s ridiculous really! If anything, I should drop everything and go back to Busan and start my life again!”

She seems to nod in agreement, settling back in her seat, “Well then I think you should do whatever you want to do. Nobody is really forcing you to continue the business and you’re not bound by contract”

She’s made her way back to the edge of the balcony, heat beating down on her as her eyes sweep across the ocean blue sky when the words finally register.

Her father is in prison.

She’s an adult now.

Her father is in prison, she’s an adult, and she has full control over what she does with her life now.

“Holy shit”, she means to say it to herself, and she honest to god sputters when she realizes what exactly she can do. She rushes to get back into the apartment, stumbling along the way.

“Jinsoul, Jinsoul I need- Give me my laptop, or my phone. I don’t care just-“, she stops herself mid-sentence and decides it would be easier to just do it herself.

Jinsoul cuts her off the second she realizes what she’s doing, “Okay, Jungeun, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t, but I think this is something you should do sober and-“

“Jung Jinsoul if you don’t get out of my way right now I swear to god-“

“-I really think you should just, think about this you know-“

“-I will drown your fish, Jinsoul-“

“-That’s impossible Jungeun, they’re fish-“

“-You know what I’m trying to fucking say! Move or I’ll shove a stick up your ass-“

“-Oh that’s just crude, Jungeun. Could you just stop and think for a second-“

“-I am always thinking! Give me my fucking phone!”

///

It takes ten very long weeks, but eventually, her plan of action works out.

She thinks it’s kind of ironic. Her life had turned absolutely shitty and then all of a sudden everything she ever needed to change was thrust into her hands. She’s not going to dwell on it though, lord knows if she waits too long to take action it will slip from her hands and gone will be her only chance.

Her first part of her plan is to figure out how to run the company while finishing college and maintaining a positive image of the company. How does she do that? Gets her lawyer to do what he does best and find every loophole possible in the company. They find one that eventually allows her to become CFO, which in reality is practically running because the original CFO has no idea what she’s doing and needs all the help she can get. Which means when Jungeun’s plan to keep the positive image arises, it gets approved immediately.

Jeong Corp turns into BlockBerry Creative, and instead of having headquarters near Seoul, they’re moving back to Busan for a fresh start.

Her second part of her plan? Graduate as fast as possible while still maintaining a grip on reality and her sense of self. How does she do that?

She settles for second best.

(Not really second best, more like 9th best, but a degree is a degree and Jungeun is really not complaining about Busan University’s high acceptance rate)

Her third part of her plan? Get Jaden to only slightly approve of it all. Which, surprisingly, goes better than planned. Jungeun figures since there’s not a lot her father can do in prison, as long as the company is running he doesn’t care where they go or what it’s named.

By the time everything is all worked out, Jungeun has her letter of acceptance for transfer to BU, and successfully moved headquarters into a lavish building in the middle of Busan.

The one thing about moving was college. Everything she has ever done has been in light of her father and the company, and now that she has slightly free reigns to do as she pleases, she feels like now is the time to get the full college experience. At Seoul National she stayed with her father in an expensive apartment off-campus, traveling to and from in a lavish SUV. Jungeun has spent three years longing for some sense of normalcy, something to hold onto so she doesn’t lose her mind in all of the ridiculous amounts of money she has now.

So, she applies for residency on the BU campus, albeit the nicest one, and starts moving in two weeks before classes are meant to begin. It isn’t hard for her to get into the Honors College at BU, and despite the fact that both schools were in completely different regions, she manages to snag scholarships that practically pay for all of BU.

She gets lucky and receives a one-bedroom dorm, meaning she gets some form of privacy and doesn’t have to share a dorm or a bathroom with anyone. It’s still a long hall of dorm rooms though, and if Jungeun shuts off her music playing she can hear most of what’s going on outside. Some of the seniors are still moving in by the time Jungeun is finished and settled in, and it gives her a rush of adrenaline when she realizes just how much has changed in a couple of months.

She knows her father wouldn’t be happy with her settling for BU, but she did raise stocks slightly by sending her personal statement out so he can’t really complain. It’s then she realizes that Jaden doesn’t have a say in her life anymore, after spending years under the shadow of her father she’s finally allowed to do what she wants to do instead of what’s been planned for her.

She takes a deep breath just outside of the residence hall, watching as students bustle around in last-minute preparations for their senior years of college. A smile spreads across her face - the first real one in many years - she may have been gone for three years but Jungeun still remembers most of the people she went to high school with. She’s grown significantly since graduation, her skin is much tanner and she’s grown into her curves, her once shoulder-length hair now reaching the middle of her back. Her baby face has long departed, replaced by sharp features, piercing eyes, and a slim figure that’s earned her many catcalls already. She rolls her eyes and retreats back into the dorms when a pack of a boys’ sports team whistles at her from across the road.

Nobody has realized who she is yet, and she doesn’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing. She’s watched some people do double-takes at her before moving on with their day, so she decides to just ride it out and see where her senior year takes her.

She makes a split decision to take the stairs instead of the elevator to the fourth floor, weaving her way between students until she finally makes it to her floor. The stairs are on the opposite end of her room, and she takes the time on her short walk to look at people’s door decorations.

Really, it’s not something she saw coming. Someone could’ve told her it was going to happen days, weeks before she got to BU and she still wouldn’t have had time to prepare for it.

The chords echo down the hall and immediately make their way into Jungeun’s ears, her jaw locking. There’s an open door four doors down from hers, and she figures that’s where it’s coming from.

_“I was the one you always dreamed of_

_You were the one I tried to draw_

_How dare you say it's nothing to me_

_Baby, you're the only light I ever saw_

_I'll make the most of all the sadness_

_You'll be a bitch because you can_

_You try to hit me, just hurt me_

_So you leave me feeling dirty_

_'Cause you can't understand”_

She shuffles just outside the door, and it’s then she realizes that there is a voice harmonizing with the song she hasn’t heard in years. The lyrics pound inside her head, her heart betraying her as it beats so hard she can feel it in her fingertips. She decides to just revel in it for a moment, she hasn’t heard the song in a long time and it’s not like she’ll go out of her way to listen to it, so might as well feel the emotions for a moment.

She shouldn’t have.

The voice gets closer to the door, and it takes Jungeun all of three seconds to realize she knows that voice. Her eyes pop open, ready to make a run for it, but then the door swings all the way open and a slim body is slamming right into her.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! Here let me help you”, she doesn’t even notice that she’s on the floor until she’s being hauled back up, “Jeez, I’m so sorry I should have been looking where I was-“

Jungeun knows there are only so many emotions she can handle before she tears at the seams. When she was making her plan to move back, she should have taken into account all that could happen when she returned. How in her junior year of high school she had made a promise to attend BU with Jiwoo and pursue their dreams together, Jiwoo’s being music and Jungeun’s being dance. She should have remembered, should have thought about it, anything. But she didn’t, and now she’s staring into warm brown eyes, attached to a beautiful face that’s etched in confusion and pain.

“Jungeun”, Jiwoo’s voice cracks on her name, and she’s still holding onto her tightly like she’s afraid that if she lets go, she’ll make a run for it.

She probably would, knowing her.

Jungeun’s mouth opens and closes so many times she probably looks like a gaping fish, much like Jinsoul a couple of months ago. Her heart is pounding so hard in her ears that she can’t hear anything else, and she watches as a flood of emotions cross over Jiwoo’s face before confusion settles.

“You still listen to it”, it rushes out without Jungeun really thinking about it, and saying it out loud makes her cringe at how stupid it is.

“…To what?”

Her voice is much deeper now, still soft and gentle but lower and it sends chills down Jungeun’s spine.

“The song, you still listen to it”, she clears her throat and casts her eyes down, “I haven’t listened to it in three years”

Jiwoo is silent and Jungeun looks back up to eyes filled with angry tears, “Why not?”

It feels like a trick question, and Jungeun hasn’t felt this ridiculed under anyone besides her father, “I- I don’t know. It was, hard? Too hard, I guess. It hurt”

Jiwoo has her backed up against the opposite wall in the flash of an eye, her grip on her arms tightening, "It was too hard? Too hard for _you_?"

"Jiwoo, please, I can explain-", Jungeun tries to get a word in but Jiwoo's icy cold stare freezes her.

"No. No, you don't get to explain whatever the fuck happened. You don't get to tell me it's too hard to listen to it when you didn't get left behind. You didn't have to suffer in silence, in complete radio silence. Not knowing what happened, not knowing where the girl who you thought you were going to marry could have fucking gone after making so many fucking promises"

She steps back abruptly, tears free-falling down her cheeks. Jungeun wants to reach out, wants to make Jiwoo understand, wants to apologize for what happened, and everything she's done, but she knows now isn't the time. Jiwoo is angry, very angry, it's clear in the way she sets her jaw and straightens her back, glancing over Jungeun one last time before trudging into the stairwell and out of the building.

Jungeun doesn’t know how long she stands there, tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks. How exactly does one deal with seeing their ex that they still love after so many years like that? She doesn’t even know if it really happened or if it was just a figment of her imagination, a cruel way of reminding her of the past.

But then she feels the lasting feeling of Jiwoo’s strong hands on her arms, remembers when her touch used to be so loving and gentle, and it kickstarts her brain back into gear. She rushes into her dorm room, only four doors down from Jiwoo’s, slams the door shut, and cries as silently as possible.

///

Surprisingly, Jungeun doesn’t see Jiwoo for another two months despite living in the same building as her.

She doesn’t really spend much time out anyway, between trying to finish her last year of university and figuring out how to run the company in a balanced schedule she doesn’t have a chance to get the college experience she was looking for. She spends her time in the library on the silent floors, or in the business building learning more about how to run the company, or in her dorm room trying to get her work done.

It isn’t until she has a free day after her last class of the week that she sees Jiwoo.

There’s a local coffee shop near the BU campus that Jungeun frequents early in the morning or late at night, usually when her favorite barista, Haseul, is working. So it’s really no surprise that that’s where she finds Jiwoo.

Going to coffee shops used to be their thing in high school, whether it was to pick up something from the bakery or to just sit and talk or do homework. Jungeun tried keeping the tradition with herself, and then with Jinsoul when they decided to just be friends. She feels like this is some kind of payback from the universe, or a “fuck you” to everything bad she’s ever done.

When she opens the door to the shop the bell at the door rings, and everyone subconsciously looks toward her. She tries not to look in Jiwoo’s direction, but she sees the recognition wash over her face, then replaced by excitement, and then quickly turned back into a cold, emotionless stare. Her attention is placed back to the person in front of her, and Jungeun doesn’t even need her to turn around to know that Ha Sooyoung, Jiwoo’s adoptive but still incredibly overprotective sister, is sitting there.

Jungeun hopes that the change in Jiwoo’s mood doesn’t draw attention to her from Sooyoung.

But when has life ever really gone the way Jungeun wants it to go?

_“Jeong Jungeun?”_

_Fuck you, universe. Fuck. You._

Jungeun turns slowly until she’s facing their table, really wishing this didn’t have to happen in such a public space because she can feel the eyes on her, can hear the whispering over the music playing softly through the speakers of the shop.

“Holy shit”, Sooyoung stares wide-eyed at her, turns back to Jiwoo, and whispers something that sounds a lot like _you didn’t tell me she was back_ before turning back to Jungeun, “Wow. It really is you.”

She clears her throat awkwardly, trying her best to avoid direct eye contact.

(There’s a quiet voice in her head telling her to get her act together and feign confidence, and the voice sounds a lot like her father.

She decides to ignore it for once.)

“Uh, yep. I’m here, flesh and blood”, if she could make it any worse, she chuckles awkwardly and immediately regrets it.

Sooyoung looks at her for a long time, something like anger, confusion, and sadness dawning her features. Jungeun is ready to turn back and go to the counter so she can stop feeling so awkward, but Sooyoung seems to settle on anger and spit out some words at her, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Jungeun feels like she should feel something at the venom in her voice, but she surprisingly feels nothing. She guesses she owes it to years of learning to become a cold businesswoman.

“I go to school here”

Sooyoung scoffs, her fists bawling up, “Yeah no shit, why though? Did your daddy finally kick you out or something?”

It’s meant to be a jab at her, but Jungeun only smirks internally at the lack of knowledge they both have about her life, “No. I moved the company back to Busan for a fresh start”

Jiwoo barks out a laugh, “ _You_ moved the company? Oh, so he finally gave you the company. I’m sure you have everything you want in life now, huh?”

_Ah. Okay. That’s how this is going to go then. Fine._

Sooyoung and Jiwoo are still angry and upset. Perfectly fine, very understandable to Jungeun. But if there’s anything good that Jaden taught her, it was to never bend under other’s forces. She’s spent the past three years becoming a Jeong, as well as pushing and shoving away all the heartbreak she was faced with so that she could be the best businesswoman that Jaden could teach her to be.

So she does what she does best. Tilts her chin up, sets her shoulders back and gathers her composure, and puts on her business mask, all sharp, steely, and cold.

The two notice her change in composure, and they seem to almost have a look of fear in their eyes as Jungeun speaks in her dark, monotone voice, “If you must know, my father is in federal prison for the next 60 years. Seeing as I am the only Jeong left, I inherited the family company and changed its name and mission to a more positive one so that it may continue to succeed. And no, I do not have everything I could ever want in life. That was torn away from me three years ago”

She watches Sooyoung gulp and look back at Jiwoo, both of their expressions turning solemn, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get what I came here for”

She puts a bit of a bite at the end of her sentence, hoping that they get the idea to not mess around with her again, and turns swiftly back to the counter of the coffee shop where Haseul is waiting for her.

She gives herself a second to breathe once she reaches the counter, sharing an apologetic smile with Haseul before pulling her wallet out.

A gentle hand stops her though, and she looks up to see Haseul gazing at her kindly, “Don’t worry about it Jungeun, I got you on this one. Seems like you need it”

Jungeun freezes in shock before quickly thanking Haseul with a bow and a smile, “Oh stop it, we’re the same age weirdo”

Haseul waves her over to the side of the shop where the coffee machines are, which thankfully is farther away from where Sooyoung and Jiwoo are now silently sitting.

Haseul speaks in a low tone, only loud enough for Jungeun to hear her, “That was a lot to watch, even for me. Are you okay?”

If it were anyone else, Jungeun would wave off the question and go on about her day. But it’s Haseul, and in the two months that school has been in session she's seen Jungeun at her best and at her worst.

“My father wasn’t exactly the _best_ parent”

Haseul chuckles, “Trust me, I’m aware”

Jungeun sputters, “What? How?”

“I’m a business major as well, it’s kind of my job to know what goes on in the business world. And the press really didn’t go easy on your dad, it wasn’t hard to figure out what kind of person he really is underneath the business exterior”

Jungeun nods her head in understanding, mentally sorting through all the articles she’s seen about what happened to her father and the company, and she really has no choice but to agree, “What section of business do you plan on going into?”

Haseul seems surprised at the question, and Jungeun is honestly just as surprised as well, “Oh, um, Public Relations and Marketing. I’m really good at public speaking and getting people to rally, or so I’ve been told”

An idea pops into her head at that very moment, and Haseul must see it all over her face because she stops what she’s doing and points a finger in her direction, “Oh no, Jungeun don’t you dare-“

“I’ve been looking for a PR Manager for months. The job is yours after we graduate if you would like it, lord knows I need more friends at the company instead of people trying to sabotage what I’m trying to fix”

She says it so quickly she’s not sure Haseul even understood her, but she sighs and grabs a pen from her apron, writes something down on the now finished cup of coffee for Jungeun, and hands it to her with a smile that’s almost as bright as Jiwoo-

_Stop it, you fucking idiot! She’s literally ten feet away, why are you losing your mind after seeing her once???_

“I would love that very much, text me and we can meet up one day to talk about it more. Unless Miss CEO is too busy for a mundane lunch with poor little me”, Jungeun laughs, really laughs at Haseul’s sarcasm, shaking her head in fake disapproval before thanking her again and heading out of the shop.

Her head feels completely empty of thoughts as she walks slowly down the sidewalk, all she feels she can do is take in the city around her and the people. She hears the bell to the shop ring again and thinks nothing of it.

That is until her name is being yelled down the street.

_Jesus fucking-_

“Jungeun wait!”  
  
She recognizes the voice as Sooyoung’s, and she almost wants to keep walking and hope she gets the message, but something tells her to stick to her spot on the pavement and wait for Sooyoung to catch up to her.

She does with horrifying speed, but then Jungeun remembers that Sooyoung was a track star and a gym freak in high school, she’s sure those habits never stopped once college hit.

When Sooyoung is in front of her it seems like all the words she wanted to say die on her lips, and suddenly they’re both just staring at each other in the middle of the sidewalk. Jungeun raises an eyebrow, which thankfully seems to get Sooyoung back to reality.

“Sorry it’s just-“, she sighs heavily, shoulders drooping, “It’s been so long and I just, I didn’t know how to process the fact that you were in front of me and there’s a lot of emotions that Jiwoo and I haven’t processed and it came out as anger and I apologize for it”

Jungeun wants to scoff, “You ran all the way out here just to say you’re sorry to me?”

“Well, n-no, but”, Jungeun squints her eyes at her, “Listen I don’t care what happened between you and Jaden three years ago. I’m the only one who refuses to believe that you left to go to the other side of the country willingly and leave everyone that you loved behind. I’m not asking you to explain yourself, or to jump right back in where we all left off. But Jiwoo-“

She stops, and a pensive look crosses over her face. Jungeun has no idea what to do, has no idea what to say, she only feels she can listen to what Sooyoung has to say. Her silence gives her an opportunity to look at Sooyoung though, and for the first time in three years, Jungeun feels pure sadness at the fact that she didn’t get to watch either of them grow up through college.

Sooyoung’s hair is cut just above her shoulders instead of falling down her back, and she seems to have grown a couple of inches as well as gained a large amount of muscle if her toned arms and shoulders don’t say it. She’s grown into her facial features more, her skin seems to glow in the sunlight and her bunny teeth still sit proudly behind her lips. Jungeun feels some kind of emotion, sorrow maybe, or longing, as she looks at Sooyoung and realizes that the girl in front of her, who used to be her best friend and practically a sister-in-law to her, is now a stranger.

She still hasn’t said anything, and as much as she’d like to continue the conversation, Jungeun really needs to go back to her dorm and sob her eyes out, “Jiwoo?”

She realizes then that she hasn’t said her name in years, and her throat closes and constricts against her will, tears starting to pool in her eyes.

Sooyoung notices, and her expression softens, “Jiwoo is confused. And upset. And angry. She has been ever since you left. And now that I know you’re here I understand why she’s been acting the way she has. Like she’s doomed and the world is against her or some dramatic shit like that. You know how she is-“

“Do I?”

Silence washes over again.

Jungeun said it without thinking, but it still has some truth to it.

Sooyoung looks incredibly conflicted, and now she feels bad for throwing that one out, “She hasn’t changed much. Neither have I. I think maybe it’s you that neither of us know anymore. I’ve never seen you so…cold and unwavering”

“Spending three years becoming my father's science experiment will do that to you”, it’s a passive statement, one that she doesn’t have to think about because she’s said it to herself so many times that she doesn’t realize the heaviness it contains.

“I know, and I know how much you despised him and the family business and being a Jeong in general-“  
  
“No offense Sooyoung, but why are you telling me things I already know?”

“Because I’m a psychology major and I know that deep down inside, people don’t ever really change. I know that somewhere underneath your cold demeanor, _Kim_ Jungeun is still there. All the promises you made, all the things you said, all the things _we_ said, I know it’s still there. And I know three years can change a lot of things, but Jiwoo just…”

“She still loves you”

Jungeun stands stock still, every possible memory resurfacing to the forefront of her mind and suddenly all she can hear and think about are the memories she has with Jiwoo. She remembers all their promises, all their confessions, every loving word that Jiwoo ever said to her runs on a loop in her mind and she’s struck with such a plethora of emotions that all she can do is stare at Sooyoung as the first tear makes its way out of her eye.

“Oh, Jungeun- “, she doesn’t have any time to register Sooyoung flinging her body towards her, arms wrapping tightly around Jungeun’s small frame and a gentle hand holding the back of her head.

Jungeun doesn’t even register the fact that she’s practically sobbing in the middle of the street, the only thing she feels she can do is hug her ex-best friend back as tight as she possibly can and relish in the comfort that her familiar energy gives.

She hasn’t been hugged since the night Jiwoo left for Daegu, she hasn’t let anyone get close enough to her, not even Jinsoul. She never thought she’d be here now, hugging Sooyoung out of all people in the middle of the Busan University campus after getting ridiculed harshly by her and Jiwoo.

_Jiwoo._

Jungeun pushes Sooyoung far enough away from her so that she can look her in the eyes, “I’m so sorry Sooyoung”

The taller girl frowns so deeply that Jungeun worries she’ll have wrinkles after, “I know, Jungie, I know. It’s okay, I know you couldn’t do anything. It’s not your fault, I promise we know that. It’s just hard. She’s taking it hard”

Jungeun nods and tries to sniffle her tears back in, “I know. God, do I fucking know. I just- “

There’s thousands of words at the tip of her tongue, ready to burst out after years of being packed away, but nothing comes out. Jungeun just stands there, trying to gather her thoughts, but nothing comes about.

Nothing except, “I never stopped loving her, Sooyoung”

The girl in front of her can only nod in understanding, squeeze her shoulders gently and as lovingly as possible, “I figured as much”

“So, what do we do now? I don’t expect her to accept me with loving and open arms. I’m not even sure who should be winning who back at this point”

“Then don’t think of it as winning her back. Think of it as getting to know her again. A lot has happened since you left, and I’m sure just as much happened on your end”, she stops and sighs, giving Jungeun a once over before continuing, “You guys are meant for each other, I know that much. Now you just have to get over this very large bump in the road. It’s gonna take a lot to gain her trust back, but I think it’s gonna take just as much from her end if you went through as much as I think you did with Jaden”

“You have no fucking idea”

Sooyoung smiles at her, and with no warning, she ruffles her head a little like she used to and Jungeun lets out a screech as they start play fighting on the sidewalk.

By the end she’s out of breath and in a headlock by Sooyoung’s hip, screaming uncle so that she can breathe.

“See? Just like old times, maybe this won’t be as hard as I thought!”

_“Sooyoung, I can’t- breathe”_

“Oh! Sorry”, she finally let's go and Jungeun steps back to let air into her lungs.

The sight in front of her is incredibly familiar, Sooyoung standing tall and proud like she always used to when she won a fight and Jungeun heaving over her knees. She always tried her best, but Sooyoung has some kind of otherworldly strength that’s terrifying at times. Jungeun smiles at the memories until she’s full out laughing, bent over her knees and still trying to catch her breath. Sooyoung joins in her laughter until a very loud and shrill voice breaks through the air.

_“HA SOOYOUNG”_

The laughter immediately ceases, and the two stand up straight as Kim Jiwoo marches out of the coffee shop and towards them.

After years of knowing Jiwoo and being her friend before they started dating, Jungeun knows that a mad Jiwoo is not a fun Jiwoo. Sooyoung is shaking ever so slightly next to her, body stiff as a rod as Jiwoo’s red face comes closer to view.

“Well, this should be fun”, Sooyoung’s voice even quivers in fear, and Jungeun has half the mind to not laugh when her back straightens out even more when Jiwoo is finally in front of them.

She’s silent for a long time, eyes moving back and forth between the two idiots in front of her. She takes a long time to look at Jungeun and notice all the things that are different about her, like how her blonde hair has been replaced by her natural brown color, there’s no longer braces in her mouth or bones threatening to poke out of her collarbones.

She raises an eyebrow at Jungeun before finally speaking, “Brown looks good on you”

Before she can even think of a reply she’s speaking again, “But the blonde was better”

She doesn’t know if she should laugh or be offended, so she settles with nodding slowly.

Jiwoo then looks at Sooyoung, “I’m going to kick your ass”

“Yah, Jiwoo-“

She shuts Sooyoung up with a single raise of her eyebrows, “Ha Sooyoung, go home”

Her eyes widen, eyes looking towards Jungeun in some kind of questioning gaze, but Jungeun just keeps her eyes forward. Sooyoung clears her throat awkwardly, bows politely at her sister and then mutters a goodbye to Jungeun before scurrying off in the direction of the dorms.

Jungeun is then left with a still mad Jiwoo, she can tell by the way she’s staring straight at her with her hands on her hips. She hates how stiff and awkward the atmosphere is, so she gathers up what little courage she has left and looks at Jiwoo right in the eyes.

A horrible decision really.

Behind the anger and the sadness, she can still see the love in Jiwoo’s eyes, notices how her face softens just the slightest, but Jungeun has spent so long memorizing Jiwoo’s face and her expressions that she notices every tiny detail. Her hair is still long and healthy, bangs styled perfectly against her forehead like they always are. Her eyes hold a certain look of tiredness in them, and Jungeun feels so much guilt eat her up at the thought that it’s because of her and everything her father did to tear them apart.

Jungeun thinks of saying something, anything, but before she can open her mouth she watches Jiwoo’s face morph into a scowl, and she doesn’t even see her hand raise until it’s grazing against her cheek.

She hears the impact of her hand before she feels it, but it doesn’t take long for the pain to surface.

_At least she didn’t use full force. Lord knows I’d be dead on the concrete._

She has no time to retort or even get out an exclamation of pain before Jiwoo is screeching at her, “That’s for breaking my heart and leaving me behind for three fucking years”  
  


_Alright, that’s fair I guess._

Nothing could’ve prepared Jungeun for what Jiwoo does next though. There are probably millions of scenarios that play out in other worlds, other universes, and even more outcomes from their actions, and Jungeun never expected that she would be living in the scenario that gives her everything she ever wanted back.

She’s spent the past three years waiting, wishing, hoping that something would happen, that someone would give Jungeun her life back and everything that she used to love. She’s spent three years being cold and heartless to everyone that she met because it was what was expected of her. She never stops thinking, never stops judging other people’s characters and motives, never stops wondering when the next time she’ll get a break is, never stops wondering when her life will be normal. In the business world it’s all mask and mirrors, nothing is ever the way it seems, no one ever does anything without some kind of ulterior motive. There’s always something lurking underneath the surface, and Jaden raised her to learn how to anticipate other’s moves, how to calculate the outcome of any situation that may occur, and to always, always stay on her toes in case a situation came tumbling down.

The one thing that Jungeun remembers about loving Jiwoo the most was how crystal clear her words or actions were. Jiwoo never did anything with ulterior motives, never gave Jungeun a present and expected one in return, never gave her love without a catch, never made Jungeun doubt that she was truly loved.

Jungeun spent years learning Jiwoo and everything that made her, her. She learned how to tell something was bothering her, learned how to decipher her smiles and her voices, learned how to love her the best way she possibly could, learned how to be her best friend and her lover at the same time.

So, when Jiwoo’s face softens, when the tension leaves her body and her eyes light up, Jungeun knows what’s coming next. Nothing could ever make her forget what she’s learned about Jiwoo.

“And this”, she steps closer until they’re only centimeters apart, “Is for coming back”

Like negative and positive atoms coming together, Jungeun’s lips meet Jiwoo’s. They’re just as soft as Jungeun remember, like the hands that come to rest on both of her cheeks, and the sigh that leaves her body when she kisses back.

No matter what happened, no matter how low she felt during the three years they were apart, and no matter how angry she felt, she knows it was all leading up to this moment. Where her lips mold perfectly against Jiwoo’s just how they used to, like they were made for each other. Where neither of them pays attention to the students grumbling as they pass by, or to the whistles that come from across the street. It’s only them, and Jungeun wouldn’t have it any other way.

///

“I hope you know I’m not going to make this easy for you, Jeong Jungeun”

“Yah, that’s _Kim_ Jungeun to you”

“Who says so?”

“Sooyoungie”

“Fuck Sooyoung!”

///

“I’m serious Jungeun, I’m not going to make it easy”

“Well then I guess I won’t make it easy for you either”

“Hey! You were the one who left!”

“Against my own will, asshole!”

“Ugh, fuck it. I was planning on kidnapping you from Seoul after college and making you marry me anyway. Just shut up and take me on a date or something”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if the end seems really rushed and sudden, I lost motivation halfway through finishing the story and I just wanted to end it and be done. 
> 
> As always let me know what you think!
> 
> You can find me on ig @kimberlylippington or on twitter @kimlippington


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